5 Ways to Think About Sex After Breast Cancer Treatment
1. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s probably normal
As counselor Cheryl Fisher, PhD, says about life after treatment, you’re not always trying to “get back to normal.” You’re reconstructing. That’s true of your sex life, too. Things might not be “normal” for a while for any number of reasons: The deep fatigue and depletion caused by treatment. The mental stress you’ve been under ever since diagnosis. The physical changes to your entire body, including your breasts. Give yourself a break.
2. Mindset matters
A lot of times, people use a psychological coping mechanism to deal with the medical journey of cancer: You make your body a medical object in your mind, Fisher says. It’s a way to deal with all the treatments and all the scans along the way. “We become a medical object,” Fisher says. “And then afterward we’re supposed to regain sexuality and become a sensual body again.” As with any other mental aspect of life after cancer, counseling can help, but so can communication with partners.
3. Communication is key
If you’re with a long-term spouse or partner, remember they’ve been along for the ride, too — for the fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty. Sex is part of that, even if it’s far off in their mind in the first weeks and months after treatment. Even if you’re not ready for sexual activity yet, be willing to talk about that openly and honestly. (And when you’re ready, you can keep things fun by shopping for lube together.)
4. Roll with your body’s punches
If you have had surgical reconstruction, it takes a while to adjust to new breasts. If you’ve had chemo-induced menopause or are on new-to-you hormone treatments, you’re probably feeling dryness levels you never thought possible. And honestly, sometimes it’s just hard to feel sexy when don’t feel like you see you. So in addition to giving yourself a break (see tip 1), give yourself time to adjust and rebuild. And if your concerns are causing stress, seek help.
5. Seek help from your care team
It’s easy — and often necessary — to focus entirely on the medical aspects of cancer while you’re going through it. “In that moment, all we’re worried about is getting rid of evidence of disease,” Fisher notes. “But when treatment is over, that’s when a lot of us segue and start thinking about the social, emotional and psychological effects.” If you have a social worker, counselor or other mental health resources available on your care team — and many teams do — don’t hesitate to ask your questions about sex. We think of sex as physical, but so much of it ties into mental health, too, Fisher says.
“When we talk about sexual health after cancer, it’s not just the absence of dysfunction,” she says. “It’s a part of your overall well-being, and it’s about how you see your body now.”
